on being alone and loneliness

I love being alone. If anything, I prefer it more than being with others, and it's not because I don't like people. 

I can be extroverted when I want to. I enjoy going out, being with others, exploring cities and having conversations. But I also love being by myself. Discovering the world in my own through hiking and travel. Working on my projects in the quiet of my own space. Learning about myself on solo dates.

There's truly an unspoken beauty in being alone, and I think it isn't talked about enough because in today's society, we have put such a heavy emphasis on the idea: being alone = being lonely. 

Yes, sometimes being alone can be lonely. Sometimes the silence is more deafening than any amount of sound. Sometimes the lack of interaction eats away at my peace and I feel disconnected, hollow, craving a company I know I won't have. 

But that is how I feel maybe 5% of the time when I am alone. And usually it comes from simply missing someone, like a friend or a family member. However, it never makes me regret spending my time alone.  

Growing up moving as I did, I have learned how to rely on myself. I adapt quite easily to new environments and surroundings, hence why it was so easy for me to sell all of my belongings to live out of a backpack and travel the world. 

Note: I am not saying those who struggle with being alone can't rely on themselves. Only pointing out that I do think my upbringing influenced a lot of my ability to find ease in being alone. I'm naturally introverted, having always preferred staying inside and reading rather than going out to play, or now that I'm older, going to out party.

Another factor I think plays into my ease is, I also spent a good portion of my life—like I believe many of us do—living for others. To serve and fulfill the expectations of others, and as a result I have compromised my own happiness. Being alone, and spending time alone with no one but yourself allows you to learn about who you are beyond others; what you like and what you don't like, what you want out of life, what you value, what you feel needs to change in order for you to thrive.

Perhaps that's why many of us are afraid of it. We fear ourselves. We fear who we are when we don't have others to distract us, or more so, we fear the lack of us. 

Every day, we are presented through social media, through television, through magazines, etc, ideas of who we should be and when we contradict those ideas, we are made out to see like the ones in the wrong. In truth, we are not the problem. But we have placed ourselves in a position where we believe we are and as a result, when we do spend time alone with ourselves and are face with the raw truth of us beyond others. All we see is a lack, what is wrong, what we don't have, etc. 

There is so much power in knowing who you are and embracing it rather than fearing it. Yes, you are flawed. Yes, you likely have issues to work through, personal and with others. Yes, you may not know yourself beyond what friends and family tell you.

That is the power of being alone: self discovery. And I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes at that term. It's a fluffy concept that has been highly marketed in recent decades. But there is substance and truth to it. 

Part of life is learning who you are and what impact you can have on the world around you. 

It's about time we reclaim that rather than fear it, because we can either let ourselves be lost in the rapids society throws us in only to wake up when we are 50 and realize half of our lives have passed us and we don't know what we are doing or what we want. Or we can sit alone in the stream, taking in the world around us without letting it affect us directly, because we know who we are. 

Loneliness is a basic human emotion. We become who we are through our interactions, and we crave socialization (humans are social creatures). But being alone doesn't have to be lonely. 

It can be an opportunity. It all depends on how you see it.